Hello…

November was the last time I posted here…NOVEMBER??!!

I don’t know why I haven’t written here for so long. I have no particular reason, I just simply haven’t.

It really doesn’t feel like 9 months, this year has gone so fast, it could be just a few months since I was last here. But, we have had another Christmas, a New year, my son’s 18th Birthday, my 50th Birthday, another summer has arrived {and what a hot one it is turning out to be…phew!} and a whole lot more crammed in between from the ordinary and everyday to the wonderful and simple moments that make life worth living. There has been some crap stuff too, but we won’t dwell on that!

I have wanted to be here, but somehow it just hasn’t been a priority – maybe it should be?

I am not going to leave it another 9 months until I post again, it’s good to be here and I’ve missed you!

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June

The middle of the year. The month when summer officially begins. My birthday month and the last year in my forties…

I know it is just another year, age doesn’t really bother me that much, but the last year of my forties, just when did that happen??

When I eventually move into my fifties next year, I know it will just be another birthday, I know trumpets will not sound, but it will feel like a shift, this I know. I look in the mirror these days and I know I am looking older. I want to see the skin of my twenties, tight, plump, but alas this is no longer what looks back at me. I don’t consider myself vain, but my heart sinks just a tiny little bit.

I hate to say it, but I get tired more quickly too. I am busy, but 20 years ago I could be this busy {more actually} and it wouldn’t bother me a jot! And I know, between then and now there has been a lot, a child, illness, death and oh so many good times {laugh lines to prove that!) so how could I {we} ever look the way I {we} did?

I know this post sounds melancholy, but that isn’t my intention. I actually intend, next year {every year} to celebrate life {being alive} with all its guts and glory. It’s thrown some shit at me, but I am still here, breathing and with so very much to be grateful for.

So, as I move into the last year of my forties, I salute you, I salute myself, I salute life because I am here living it when so many aren’t.

Happy June!

Absence

I have been neglectful of this space, I know. Absent. Truth be told, I haven’t felt like I have had much to say these past weeks. I have wondered if what I do say here really matters. You know in the scheme of things. Then, when I came here for the first time in a month I realised that this space matters to me.

Blogging, I feel, is a very personal experience. I have written things here that I have been unable to vocalise. I share parts of my life, the good bits and the shitty bits too. The way we open our hearts here is what this place, this blogsphere is about. It isn’t about saving the world, it’s about sharing our world, with one another. Realising sometimes that we are not alone. Not the only one dealing with loss. Not the only one with life’s moments to share. Not the only one who hasn’t got it all figured out. Honestly, real life can be so overwhelming sometimes {yes?} so this space is a quiet place {an escape of sorts} to just ‘be’ when the world is a little too much.

I have missed being here, I just didn’t know until now.

Note: I wrote this post a good few weeks ago now, but didn’t publish it. Having just popped onto my blog this evening and re-reading it, the words seem so apt, considering the nightmare that unfolded yesterday in Manchester. We do need an escape, but we also need to share with one another and stick together. Much love x

 

 

 

As the new year draws close…

…I wish you all an abundance of happiness, love, joy and all the things that make your heart sing!

I will be looking for the extraordinary in the ordinary, the small things that bring big joy, light, love and happiness.

Giving thanks to each and every person who visits me here, Jane xx

{sharing some of my favourite photos from 2015}

2015 image collage

Joy

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It’s been over three weeks since I wrote here, it’s flown to be honest, just like the rest of the year. It was a little break from blogging that I needed, but didn’t know I needed. We can have a break can’t we from this blogging thing, the world won’t end, it rolls on regardless and here I am back in this space as if nothing happened. I do hope you are well?

Life has been a bit busy {or maybe that’s just my head space} as it seems to get at this time of year, but all seems to be done, just a little hoovering and tidying and then I am ready for the big day {dear me, all this for one day?}. I intend to do a lot of relaxing over the next week, rest is needed so much as this year draws to a close. I won’t say I am glad to see it end, but the beginning was not great and I am hoping for more closure and lots of joy in 2016. We have a holiday booked already, so that’s a start.

I would like to thank everyone who has visited my blog over this past year, new friends and old and also for the love, light and support I have felt here. We all have struggles in our lives, I am not alone, but a kind word can mean so much. From the bottom of my heart, I THANK YOU.

I wish you JOY in your lives over the festive season and always.

Much love, Jane x

 

 

November

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A little hello from me, as the final day of November winds down and we prepare to move into the last month of the year.

I haven’t posted here on a Friday, as I usually do, for a couple of weeks now and I have missed that, but life has been busier than usual {you know…I know you do} with my dad staying with us after his operation {he is doing great} and preparing for Christmas.

I will enter December with a heaviness in my heart, this Christmas will be the first in 47 years without my mum, but I know she would not want us all to have a miserable time. I have the most wonderful memories of Christmas’ past and my mum just loved the house full at this time of year. She would not want us to be sad, so we will do our best, raise a glass to her and enjoy the day as if she were with us {she will be with us}.

We purchased our Christmas tree at the weekend, it’s a lovely little thing; just the right size and has been decorated simply with lights and special ornaments. I love sitting in the lounge in the evening and watching the lights twinkle…balm for the soul.

Today saw the beginning of Just Five Things from Michelle, a wonderful, grounding  and glorious ten days of lists, words and general loveliness…I am going to savour it.

I do hope you are well, how are your Christmas plans going? Do you have your tree? I’d love to know.

Have a great week x

Thank you, Grace

warm blanket

Sometimes, a kindness comes along out of nowhere and wraps itself around you, like a warm blanket on a cold night.

Grace, thank you for your gift. I am touched beyond words and cannot wait for Michelle’s course, they are all so wonderful and soul filling.

If anyone ever tries to suggest to me that online friends are not ‘real’ friends…I may have to have a few words.

Jane xx

 

Autumn days

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Days that bring late-comer blue skies, born out of steel grey mornings and cold winds.

Winds that rise and fall; whipping hair onto pink cheeks and tugging leaves from trees.

Trees soon to be bare as Winter threads its way into the landscape and whispers through open windows.

Windows glowing gold from lamps flicked on as light fades into inky blue and night creeps in just after five.

Monday already? I hope you had a great weekend, whatever you were up to? Mine was oh so quiet and spent mostly at home {which I don’t mind in the slightest}. ‘This week’ will return next Friday, time slipped away last week, so I didn’t get to post.

Wishing you beautiful days ahead xx

Finding light

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I have struggled to find the light this week. I have felt anxious and sad and in all honesty, I don’t think I have been a very nice person to be around.

It’s been a tough year with such a big loss and giving support to others, I know I have let my self-care slip.

But, as I lit candles tonight, I was struck by this thought, ‘when there doesn’t seem to be any light, perhaps the only way forward is to make your own’.

Tomorrow is a new day, Autumn is my favourite season, it is time to care for me and find the light.

Sending a little light your way too xx

‘How far that little candle throws his beams’ ~ William Shakespeare

 

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