June

The middle of the year. The month when summer officially begins. My birthday month and the last year in my forties…

I know it is just another year, age doesn’t really bother me that much, but the last year of my forties, just when did that happen??

When I eventually move into my fifties next year, I know it will just be another birthday, I know trumpets will not sound, but it will feel like a shift, this I know. I look in the mirror these days and I know I am looking older. I want to see the skin of my twenties, tight, plump, but alas this is no longer what looks back at me. I don’t consider myself vain, but my heart sinks just a tiny little bit.

I hate to say it, but I get tired more quickly too. I am busy, but 20 years ago I could be this busy {more actually} and it wouldn’t bother me a jot! And I know, between then and now there has been a lot, a child, illness, death and oh so many good times {laugh lines to prove that!) so how could I {we} ever look the way I {we} did?

I know this post sounds melancholy, but that isn’t my intention. I actually intend, next year {every year} to celebrate life {being alive} with all its guts and glory. It’s thrown some shit at me, but I am still here, breathing and with so very much to be grateful for.

So, as I move into the last year of my forties, I salute you, I salute myself, I salute life because I am here living it when so many aren’t.

Happy June!

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Absence

I have been neglectful of this space, I know. Absent. Truth be told, I haven’t felt like I have had much to say these past weeks. I have wondered if what I do say here really matters. You know in the scheme of things. Then, when I came here for the first time in a month I realised that this space matters to me.

Blogging, I feel, is a very personal experience. I have written things here that I have been unable to vocalise. I share parts of my life, the good bits and the shitty bits too. The way we open our hearts here is what this place, this blogsphere is about. It isn’t about saving the world, it’s about sharing our world, with one another. Realising sometimes that we are not alone. Not the only one dealing with loss. Not the only one with life’s moments to share. Not the only one who hasn’t got it all figured out. Honestly, real life can be so overwhelming sometimes {yes?} so this space is a quiet place {an escape of sorts} to just ‘be’ when the world is a little too much.

I have missed being here, I just didn’t know until now.

Note: I wrote this post a good few weeks ago now, but didn’t publish it. Having just popped onto my blog this evening and re-reading it, the words seem so apt, considering the nightmare that unfolded yesterday in Manchester. We do need an escape, but we also need to share with one another and stick together. Much love x

 

 

 

here & now

Well, it’s been a while since my last post, nearly four weeks, and in that time spring has all but sprung…deep joy!

I haven’t been doing anything special to keep me away, well perhaps I have, living life is pretty special after all, but you know what I mean…there hasn’t been any particular reason. An unscheduled break, I guess.

I spent the most part of yesterday gardening {in a fashion} clearing and weeding the borders, sweeping and generally tidying up after winter. It was a tonic and just what was needed after a busy week.

There is something about gardening, isn’t there?  It’s not my strong point, but when I am out there I find it hopeful, fulfilling and calming. I have an intention to do it more and really want to stick to it. Our garden has been a play area for so many years {which I loved} but now our son is 17 it is time to make it a place to sit and admire and just be…dog allowing!

Everything that slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace ~ May Sarton

It’s nice to be back, thanks for the gentle push Elizabeth x

here & now

20a4b096-feae-4cf0-a2cc-996d0027d847The day has been a grey and quiet one.

My son and I have just enjoyed a lasagne, a somewhat made up recipe, but delicious all the same. I even made my own white sauce which did threaten to be lumpy, but I managed to pull it back. I don’t think I will buy white sauce ever again {my usual cheat} because it was pretty simple to make and tasted lots better : )

I am trying to fill the house with a sense that spring is not so far away.

Daffodils on the windowsill remind me of my mum. Monday will be the two year anniversary of her death. We have come a long way.

There is so much unrest in our world, but we all have to do what we can with what we have and hope that it will all come out in the wash {so to say}.

I have joined Instagram {very late to that party} and I have to say, I rather like it! You can find me here, should you so wish.

How is your here & now?