Hello…

November was the last time I posted here…NOVEMBER??!!

I don’t know why I haven’t written here for so long. I have no particular reason, I just simply haven’t.

It really doesn’t feel like 9 months, this year has gone so fast, it could be just a few months since I was last here. But, we have had another Christmas, a New year, my son’s 18th Birthday, my 50th Birthday, another summer has arrived {and what a hot one it is turning out to be…phew!} and a whole lot more crammed in between from the ordinary and everyday to the wonderful and simple moments that make life worth living. There has been some crap stuff too, but we won’t dwell on that!

I have wanted to be here, but somehow it just hasn’t been a priority – maybe it should be?

I am not going to leave it another 9 months until I post again, it’s good to be here and I’ve missed you!

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June

The middle of the year. The month when summer officially begins. My birthday month and the last year in my forties…

I know it is just another year, age doesn’t really bother me that much, but the last year of my forties, just when did that happen??

When I eventually move into my fifties next year, I know it will just be another birthday, I know trumpets will not sound, but it will feel like a shift, this I know. I look in the mirror these days and I know I am looking older. I want to see the skin of my twenties, tight, plump, but alas this is no longer what looks back at me. I don’t consider myself vain, but my heart sinks just a tiny little bit.

I hate to say it, but I get tired more quickly too. I am busy, but 20 years ago I could be this busy {more actually} and it wouldn’t bother me a jot! And I know, between then and now there has been a lot, a child, illness, death and oh so many good times {laugh lines to prove that!) so how could I {we} ever look the way I {we} did?

I know this post sounds melancholy, but that isn’t my intention. I actually intend, next year {every year} to celebrate life {being alive} with all its guts and glory. It’s thrown some shit at me, but I am still here, breathing and with so very much to be grateful for.

So, as I move into the last year of my forties, I salute you, I salute myself, I salute life because I am here living it when so many aren’t.

Happy June!

Absence

I have been neglectful of this space, I know. Absent. Truth be told, I haven’t felt like I have had much to say these past weeks. I have wondered if what I do say here really matters. You know in the scheme of things. Then, when I came here for the first time in a month I realised that this space matters to me.

Blogging, I feel, is a very personal experience. I have written things here that I have been unable to vocalise. I share parts of my life, the good bits and the shitty bits too. The way we open our hearts here is what this place, this blogsphere is about. It isn’t about saving the world, it’s about sharing our world, with one another. Realising sometimes that we are not alone. Not the only one dealing with loss. Not the only one with life’s moments to share. Not the only one who hasn’t got it all figured out. Honestly, real life can be so overwhelming sometimes {yes?} so this space is a quiet place {an escape of sorts} to just ‘be’ when the world is a little too much.

I have missed being here, I just didn’t know until now.

Note: I wrote this post a good few weeks ago now, but didn’t publish it. Having just popped onto my blog this evening and re-reading it, the words seem so apt, considering the nightmare that unfolded yesterday in Manchester. We do need an escape, but we also need to share with one another and stick together. Much love x

 

 

 

here & now

Well, it’s been a while since my last post, nearly four weeks, and in that time spring has all but sprung…deep joy!

I haven’t been doing anything special to keep me away, well perhaps I have, living life is pretty special after all, but you know what I mean…there hasn’t been any particular reason. An unscheduled break, I guess.

I spent the most part of yesterday gardening {in a fashion} clearing and weeding the borders, sweeping and generally tidying up after winter. It was a tonic and just what was needed after a busy week.

There is something about gardening, isn’t there?  It’s not my strong point, but when I am out there I find it hopeful, fulfilling and calming. I have an intention to do it more and really want to stick to it. Our garden has been a play area for so many years {which I loved} but now our son is 17 it is time to make it a place to sit and admire and just be…dog allowing!

Everything that slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace ~ May Sarton

It’s nice to be back, thanks for the gentle push Elizabeth x

here & now

20a4b096-feae-4cf0-a2cc-996d0027d847The day has been a grey and quiet one.

My son and I have just enjoyed a lasagne, a somewhat made up recipe, but delicious all the same. I even made my own white sauce which did threaten to be lumpy, but I managed to pull it back. I don’t think I will buy white sauce ever again {my usual cheat} because it was pretty simple to make and tasted lots better : )

I am trying to fill the house with a sense that spring is not so far away.

Daffodils on the windowsill remind me of my mum. Monday will be the two year anniversary of her death. We have come a long way.

There is so much unrest in our world, but we all have to do what we can with what we have and hope that it will all come out in the wash {so to say}.

I have joined Instagram {very late to that party} and I have to say, I rather like it! You can find me here, should you so wish.

How is your here & now?

 

Here & now

img_0468For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
~ T. S. Eliot

On this second day of 2017 I am feeling a little more positive than I have done in a while. Truth be known, I just feel that 2016 was a {sort of} wasted year. Don’t get me wrong there have been some fantastic times for which I am very grateful, but it just felt like a year in which I didn’t embrace the good things quite so heartily as I should have done. Basically, I felt off balance.

Therefore, this year ‘BALANCE’ is going to be my word. I am going to keep what makes me happy and filter out the things that do not…now that sounds like a plan! I intend to write more this year too, as that really seemed to go on the back-burner last year.

What do you want your year to look like? Whatever shape it takes I hope that it will be a good one.

Here’s to endings and beginnings and to the things that make us happy!

{I am so thankful for my online friendships and look forward to them continuing in this new year xx}

 

here & now

img_0234There are twinkly lights, decorations and cards on the mantle {I really must get more of mine written!}.

I am a little tired {I know I will not be alone} but it’s nothing a week off between Christmas and New Year won’t solve…phew!

Thoughts of my mum are popping into my head more frequently, it’s that time of year. She loved having us all for Christmas, even though in latter years I know she found it tiring, but still she loved it. I miss her.

There are lots of festivities to look forward to with family and friends, which makes me happy, but I have to admit that I am also looking forward to some peace and quiet over the holidays!

That’s my here & now, how is yours looking?

 

Just five things

img_9454Today is the first day of Michelle’s beautiful offering Just Five Things. Even though I am not an avid list-maker, I understand their power and I am looking forward very much to the coming days.

Today’s list-making has the word gratitude at it’s heart, which is such a great transition from participating in Gratitude Week over the past seven day.

Right now I am grateful for…

moving forward ~ candles ~ online community ~ friends ~ a warm home

Have a great Monday x

 

 

here & now

img_9032I am sat alone in the quiet with the swish of traffic outside and an every-now-and-then sigh from the dog. There is the promise of a bright October day slowly emerging through the grey.

There is a week off work sprawling before me like an unfamiliar and exciting landscape {do you like the drama I am creating there??}. The reality may not be quite so exciting, but I am going to make the most of it, not matter what.

Lately, I have been reflecting on how life changes, new habits and ways of being slip in, almost unnoticed. As my son gets older he wants more time on his own and while I totally get this I have still found it hard at times. Then, I remember the 16 nearly 17 year old me and I get it even more. He needs time alone, not because he doesn’t want to be with us, he needs time alone because that is healthy. So, I have decided that I am not going to worry I just need to let it be.

I have finished this book {eventually!}. A thoroughly enjoyable and unusual read that made me cry and had me fascinated, too. I have just started reading this and am enjoying it so far. The characters are interesting, both living and dead, and I look forward to reading more.

This weekend I am planning to make this. I made a golden syrup cake last weekend and it was delicious and like the recipe says, it really does improve with age.

How is your here & now, I would love to know?

here & now…

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You are soft hues and burnished trees

You are morning mists, crisp air and clear skies

You are rosy wasp-eaten apples, fallen to the ground

You are memories of small feet running through leaves

You are the smell of wood fires and damp earth

You are candles lit as nights draw in

You are all these things and so much more

You are Autumn

As you can probably tell I am enjoying this season here in my corner of the world. I am feeling content and positive and so ready for slower days and cosy nights.

I am also looking forward to joining in with Just Five Things, a beautiful offering from Michelle. If you are able to, then I would definitely encourage you to take part, it WILL be wonderful.

What are you enjoying here and now?

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